Flashback: Celebrate Life When You're Facing Loss

Birth of Clarity #38

Welcome to the Birth of Clarity newsletter on Substack.

Today is a throwback article from April 2021 - I’ve been on Substack since the early days before it was cool! I aim to sporadically release these old, formerly published posts over the coming year.

In this article, written a few weeks before the death of my Grandad, I talk about the importance of celebrating life before and after suffering a significant loss.

I hope this article helps those who need it.

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My Grandad is very sick, and although he has been for a long time, he’s currently lying on his deathbed with not much time left. And it's made me question how we deal with loss; how sometimes we take people for granted and how we need to celebrate life.

I've lost some important people in my life and I didn’t deal with their deaths well. However, despite it being extremely painful due to our closeness, this time I'll be sober and hopefully in a better place to cope with the emotional fallout. Hopefully, I’ll be able to view my Grandad’s life with happy memories instead of avoiding reality and falling into darkness.

When you lose someone you love, it's hard to deal with the pain and the emotions that come with that, especially if you've never allowed yourself to FEEL or experience pain. If you've always used substances, food, or drugs to suppress those difficult emotions and anguish that come with the loss of life, then how do you process pain and grief, and mourn properly?

Sadly, I feel like I've been pulling away from my Grandad for a while now, and as I reflect on this, I’m disappointed with my subconscious reaction. I believe it's because I was trying to shelter myself from the pain knowing that he doesn't have long left to live.

He’s been ill for a few years now and I've found myself contacting him less and less, despite us having a good relationship. And now as he comes closer to the end, I’ve realised that I've not made as much effort because I've feared this day coming. I’m remorseful of my selfish reaction but didn’t realise, until now, that I’ve done this to stop the overwhelmingly sad feelings I know are inevitable.

But we can't go through life avoiding or suppressing emotional pain and hardships because it does us no good in the long run. In fact, it leads us to stifle our growth; emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Don't avoid hard things such as facing loss and grieving because they will destroy you internally, which can lead you to experience behavioural, emotional, and spiritual turmoil, and drive you towards self-destructive comforts in which the devil resides - the bottom of a bottle of booze or pills.

If you are going through something similar to this, don't avoid FEELING, however painful.

You’ll regret not spending the proper time connecting with the person you are about to lose. You’ll regret not communicating with them as much as you normally would. You’ll regret the time you could have spent with them once they’re gone.

I know this is a hard newsletter to read but I needed to share it.

For those of you who have lost a loved one or are facing something similar, don't wallow in the sadness but rather celebrate their life and their legacy. I spent years drinking and drugging to bury the sadness, loneliness, fear, and anger after losing my Mum and it was not healthy. More importantly, I didn’t stop to celebrate her amazing life, the impact she had on me and what she truly meant to me.

It’s not a healthy way to deal with loss, so celebrate life.

• Celebrate the good times

• Celebrate their achievements

• Celebrate the times you laughed

• Celebrate how they made you feel

• Celebrate the bond you had with each other

• Celebrate the small moments spent together

You can’t run from emotional pain forever. It will eventually find you, probably when you’re at your lowest, and it will be harder to overcome the damage you have done to yourself in the meantime.

Keep your strength up and face these things head-on. Surround yourself with love and give love back.

When you’re facing loss like I am with my Grandad, it is important to remember that the person is still here, still with us and we should make this time count. I will do what I can to make up for my recent actions and connect with my Grandad before he leaves this human experience. If you’re facing something similar, I suggest you do the same.

If you’ve recently lost someone, use this as a reminder to celebrate their life and reminisce about the times you spent together.

Don’t get lost in the darkness of death, celebrate the light of life.

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Here are some helpful articles related to today’s post:

• Purpose Vs Pleasure

• Ways to Cope with Loss

• Death: The Unspoken Topic

• Painful Paradox And Moral Flexibility

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Thank you for reading: “Flashback: Celebrate Life When You’re Facing Loss.” If anything in this article resonated with you and you’d like to ask a question or comment, please get in touch:

Check out the last post: “[Escape the Darkness] Fight for the Light and Step into Your Life.”

Take care,

Birth of Clarity

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