Man vs Addiction
Birth of Clarity #17
Welcome to the Birth of Clarity newsletter.
For those of you who don’t know my story, I was addicted to alcohol for over 20 years before I was finally able to get myself sober over five and a half years ago. And as many addicts can attest to, addiction led me to a dark and lonely place.
The more I drank towards the end, the more isolated I became. Not physically, but mentally, spiritually and emotionally. The empty feeling inside of me is something that I never want to feel again. That emptiness within caused me so much pain.
As my drinking spiralled out of control I was a shell, a shadow of my former self - which was also formed from booze but without the years of trauma attached. Alcohol had stripped away parts of me that I’m still working to get back.
My addiction to the liquid poison destroyed my inner peace, it took away my self-respect and it removed my self-worth. I lost friendships, money, time and some of my sanity. Purity and innocence disappeared as did hope, clarity and purpose.
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But it wasn’t just the things that were taken from me that, in my opinion, were the most damaging, rather it was the things I’d picked up along the way. The behavioural traits I’d adopted. The destructive habits I’d formed. The suicidal thoughts I had.
The main thing I picked up though was an overreliance on my mind. I developed the ability to overthink things and get lost in my thoughts, which were extremely dark and damaging at the time. As a result, I became more paranoid and more isolated.
I was consumed by my thoughts. I complicated people’s comments, overreacted to their actions and became so disconnected from life that I considered ending it, something I’d never do in my right mind.
A man consumed by addiction is a lost man.
Temporarily separated from his heart and disconnected from his soul.
Led by his mind and at the mercy of his emotions.
This is no way for a man to live.
- Birth of Clarity
Addiction
My recovery journey has made me realise that ‘lost’ men cannot allow themselves to become detached from their hearts and souls. Alongside inner peace, these need protecting at all costs. Also, men cannot live solely in their minds. It will destroy them.
Feelings of being lost can manifest themselves into addiction in a mind that is unfulfilled, unstimulated, purposeless and directionless. Addiction thrives in a mind cluttered with fears, thoughts of self, and past and future worries.
Men addicted to things like pornography and social media feel that their life has no purpose. They convey a life devoid of a true mission. Those who get addicted to drugs and alcohol speak of a life dictated by emotions such as fear and anger.
“Man has to keep his purpose above everything else in his life. What matters, is his mission. It either falls into the category of what truly fulfils him, or what he must do, for it is the right thing. Much in his life falls in place when he devotes himself to attain these.” - VK
These are just overviews and may not fit everyone’s description but for those men that I have spoken to, these are the overriding feelings that are driving their addictions. The only universal feeling described is one of feeling lost in life.
Despite appearing to have it all, whether that’s a successful business, perfect relationships, great family life, etc., many men express that they still feel lost. This is because they’ve moved away from their heart and soul. Their mind runs the show.
Addictions will show no mercy to a man who is lost, whether that’s to his mind or his purpose, and while he is battling one addiction, another is likely developing in the background waiting for the best time to attack.
Addictions are cunning but they are born out of the mind. Once a man figures out how to free himself from his mind’s control - via meditation, etc. - and/or reconditions his thoughts, he is more likely to overcome his addictions. I’m speaking from experience.
The damage is done when a man fully submits to his mind and allows it to run his life. It will feed off insecurities, traumas, and even minor inconveniences and prescribe whatever gives it the best hit of dopamine.
The mind will continue searching for other, easier ways to cope with the life that you’ve described to it. If you’ve always complained about X, Y or Z then it will seek ways for you to escape, deal or cope with it. Usually, that’s something bad for you!
The move towards habits that are damaging to a man’s soul and that distance him from his heart is becoming easier as technology grows, as degeneracy becomes normalised and as men lose their life’s purpose and mission.
This can be summed up in one addiction that so many men don’t even know they have - porn addiction. This one is devastating for men because many people believe it’s a man’s ‘rite of passage’ to watch it.
However, using it regularly over multiple years eventually takes its toll on a man’s soul. It distracts him from finding purpose and divides him from his mission. It also stops many men from cultivating healthy relationships with the opposite, or same, sex.
If you’re struggling to control your use of pornography or finding it hard to communicate with the opposite, or same, sex, then maybe you’ve developed an addiction to the digital pixels and need some help.
Below is a course by MasculineTheory, aka Joseph, who promises to help men quit porn easily without willpower or fear of relapsing, use the power of their sexual energy for greater focus, confidence and drive, and so much more. Here’s the link:
Strength
Feeling lost in the world is no doubt depressing but is it worth falling into addiction for? No. We as men are built to overcome such adversities. I never thought I’d kick the booze but I had the strength within me to beat my addiction.
Many men haven’t tapped into their strength within. Addiction has taken hold and they have given up. I get it. I was like that for years, but what I’m telling you now is, you can overcome your addictions because you are stronger than you think.
Feeling lost? Trapped in a mind that‘s seemingly working against you? Constantly falling into a loop of self-sabotage and self-destruction? Men, these are all battles you can win. If you’re sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, it’s time to conquer.
You’ll probably need some help to begin with and/or along the way but you can do it. You might have to swallow some pride and ask for help. Just remember your pride and ego are stopping you from getting better. From protecting yourself.
Please check out the AFF Newsletter here where I write raw and honest articles aimed at helping dads overcome alcohol addiction (& much more):
Think with your heart, not your head. You need to overcome your addiction. You know you’re not living the way you want to. You want to live in alignment with your morals, integrity and values. These come from your heart. You need to listen to it.
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