Painful Paradox And Moral Flexibility
Time To Be You
Welcome back!
The paradox for this addict was constantly thinking of my own death yet not wanting to let go of my life.
It was a painful paradox. Constantly pulling myself in opposing directions; mentally, physically and emotionally.
You see, when I was at the height of my self-destructive boozing, it was something I thought about a lot.
Although, to be honest, I'm starting to realise it had crept in a lot earlier than before I actually quit.
Maybe not to the extent it was towards the end, but it had begun to slowly infest my mind around a decade earlier when I started pursuing cheap pleasures as a way to cope with the loss of my Mum.
Not all addicts are thinking of their death but rather, they may be thinking about escapism (without being suicidal) or longing for freedom.
Speaking about other addicts, someone I follow on Twitter said to me: "They may be filled with a desperate desire to find any path that finally gets them there that doesn’t involve death." It's a great observation.
Not everyone who is/was addicted to something has/had suicidal thoughts.
For a long time, I didn't.
Every so often I still catch these thoughts entering my mind.
After my Grandad passed, I found they had entered again.
Steps to follow
Before I move on to talking about these paradoxes and touching upon another thing I have noticed recently, I want to give you some quick wins to turn your thoughts from suicidal to successful.
If they enter your head, here's a few things I recommend doing:
Get some sleep - This has worked wonders for me in the past. Sometimes a tired mind wanders to dark places.
Take a shower - Wash away your destructive thoughts.
Focus on someone else - As a father, I have the amazing opportunity to focus on my son and overcome the darkness that creeps into my thoughts by paying full attention to him.
Get some sunshine and fresh air - Clear your head with nature's beauty.
Practice gratitude - Focus on the goodness in your life.
These are just a few things I did last week that really helped me.
And another thing would be, and this is an important one, is to reach out for help. Open up and speak to someone you trust.
Remember, you’re not alone.
Anyway, let’s continue.
Painful paradox
As I said at the beginning of this newsletter, the paradox in which I was living during the height of my addiction was painful. Not knowing what I wanted was tearing me apart.
Did I want to die or did I want to live?
These questions certainly affected me. They were destroying my soul.
And I see it going on around me today, especially with the current health situation and the extreme measures that are being put in place to combat them.
I have friends who are experiencing their own paradoxical dilemmas concerning the vaccine. Should they take it or should they not?
You see the same with people trying to get fit/lose weight. The dilemma of enjoying the taste of food/being addicted to sugar but wanting to be healthier.
These may not be as extreme as what I was experiencing and spoke of earlier but to those people going through them, being pulled in these different directions is doing some damage.
Moral flexibility
I recently listened to a podcast where the guest made the statement:
"There's no quicker way to hate yourself and no quicker path to real evil than to be so morally flexible that you can mirror anybody at anytime."
This quote struck a chord with me. It may not have been about the opposing thoughts I’ve just spoken about, however, it does speak to the state of our minds when it comes to not having a clear understanding of our own views, values and morals.
When we are unsure of the things we stand for, or the things that we want from our lives, these paradoxical thoughts will easily pop into our heads.
Would those suicidal thoughts have once poisoned my mind if I had placed more importance on creating a more genuine life/legacy? Or had a clearer vision of where I wanted my life to be heading? Rather than giving up on myself because I had no clear vision of who I was, what I stood for or who I wanted to be.
Would you allow yourself to get so far out of shape if you spent more time trying to be a better role model for your kids? Or had something to aim for? Rather than being influenced by comfort and instant gratification culture.
Would you give in to peer pressure to get the jab, or not get the jab, if you placed more importance on having courage in your convictions? Or had more belief in yourself to know what is right for you? Rather than unquestionably going along with what you are told, what you see on social media or via the TV.
This moral flexibility has definitely been perpetuated by social media. It’s easy to see how many have lost their identity because they have become so easily influenced by reading about how others are leading their lives.
Many don’t know what theirs looks like anymore. Which can cause a greater swing towards a darker way of thinking or increase a change in behaviour that you wouldn’t normally even entertain.
It has become a plague. And it is easy to see how it has spread so far.
You only have to see that when the “woke” become “woker” they turn on their own. They’ve allowed their lives to be shaped by others and when the goalposts are moved again, they either have to keep up or face being shunned.
I’ve allowed it to happen to me in the past with the online self-improvement community. I’ve allowed it to happen to me when it comes to my opinions and beliefs.
And it has proven to be poisonous to my inner peace.
Conclusion
I know I’ve jumped all over the place with this newsletter but the underlying points are in the same vein.
We need to focus on knowing who we are, what we want to represent and where we want to be heading.
Without a key understanding of the basics of who we are or even, who we want to be, we are left at the mercy of these paradoxical thoughts and moral flexibility.
I see a lot of confused people in the world at the moment.
I see a lot of people who are struggling to find their identity.
I see a lot of people who are following crowds that they would not normally follow because they are so unsure of who they are.
I see a lot of people who not being themselves online which in turn is creating inner conflict when it comes to them living normally.
I’m not preaching. I can relate. I’ve been there.
I wanted to live life but I wanted to commit suicide.
I wanted to laugh with friends but I wanted to drink excessive amounts of alcohol to escape.
I wanted to stay true to myself but I wanted people to like me.
But it’s time to have courage in our convictions, not flip-flop from one fad to the next. It’s time to be who we are, not who people want us to be. It is time to built our legacy, not destroy it for instant gratification. It’s time to stand by our values, morals and goodness of character and not let others dictate our lives.
It’s time to stop allowing destructive paradoxes and moral flexibility eat us alive.
Thank you for reading “Painful Paradox And Moral Flexibility”.
Check out the previous newsletter; “Honest Assessment”.
Take care,
Roscoe
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